Getting Out of My Own Way… Tales of Authenticity From the Road

I’ve personally come to believe that many of my thoughts aren’t necessarily my own. Now I also realize a statement such as this just might sound a little “strange”, esp. considering one of the subjects of this blog-site refers to the subject of mental health! So let me explain…

I began to collectively notice in amazement over the years, even though I may have had a great, creative idea pop into my head… one of those flashes of inspiration for a piece of visual art I wanted to create, an article I was inspired to write … or even a type of theme or visual I wanted to set up in my previous staging business, I’d end up eventually seeing it expressed by someone else.

It would just pop into my head one day, triggered by noticing the beauty of the woods I often drive by or an amazing animal I came upon and watched in admiration. At first, my inner artist would believe at face value that I was the first “gifted” person to come up with the idea and I couldn’t wait to express it in a more visual, tactile way. Each time this happened however, I’d be more than surprised to find that someone… in fact often many other “someones”…  had actually already “beat” me to it.

Even though I’ve spent quite a few years studying the science of physics and how it relates to spirituality, to my position as a healer & to virtually everything else, I found myself still battling that 3^rd wheel perched on my shoulder … my illustrious ego. It has often reared it’s head at some the pretty inopportune moments. I felt a pang each time I realized MY (amazing and original) idea had already been created by someone else via their own venue of expression.

At other times, when I would sit listening to someone explain a concept I had already learned, I felt that familiar frustration welling up inside myself. Did they actually think this was something new they were putting out there?! I wanted to nod knowingly and noticeably in an affirmative testament all my studying and searching, It had nothing to do with arrogance or snobbery and everything to do with my lack of belief in myself.

Although this type of thinking and reaction didn’t feel good at all to me, I had to spend a great deal more concerted time with myself… doing what any integrous, efficient healer must do… peeling back those thick, often dark layers of my psyche until I could fully recognize where a particular misperception about myself was created within me.

To truly heal from any type of wound, it’s important to discover its cause. Although often not pretty and with the accompanying requirement of a good dose of courage, this process has always eventually yielded the indescribable reward of deeper self-understanding and the freedom that goes hand-in-hand with learning to be your own best friend. Let’s face it, if there wasn’t a big reward, I’d have to be a serious masochist to keep putting myself through the process!

I came to understand that for me, the need I had to stand out as “special” in some way…. the first one to hatch an idea, discover a deep truth…etc. came from my belief in myself that I had to “prove” my intelligence… my creativity… my intuitive vision… to feel worthy and whole. This belief system was rooted deeply in my childhood and the messages I took away from those experiences which formed how I felt about myself and what I had to offer this world. I had received the message that to be valued and loved, it was necessary for me to keep up with  ”the competition” in a way that looked MUCH more passive than it really was.

The more I began to actively focus on who I really was at the core of myself, the more I began to see none of that prior, self-protective thinking was necessary or helpful. The saying… “People will often forget what you said but they will always remember how you made them feel”… had deep resonation for me.

I realized that not only was it unimportant for anyone to observe or be convinced I was a worthwhile person but that it had been intensely unsatisfying… valuable energy expended which could have been put to much better use in ways which served me and others in a much  healthier way. My overall desire to be of service and empower others has always been pure but I was shooting myself in the foot by trying to accomplish it. I think most people have good intentions most of the time. We just can’t change what we don’t recognize so we have to be willing to take a good look. As always, this was a process and not an event but as I began to shift and change so did everything else, including other’s reactions to me.

I also realized the there is a collective pool of conscious thought out there that everyone’s energy and thoughts are added to. I have learned for myself, much of the anxiety and negativity I may feel is actually part of a group dynamic which others are also feeling and contributing to as well. Good… bad… indifferent… it’s ALL out there, including ideas and concepts others may have as well. If one believes in a Higher Power, it just might also be possible that some of those “ideas” are deliberately put there in an effort to help effect change. WHAT IF?

So which of those are MY own, specific ideas and which belong to someone else? Does it really matter? Whether we initially created the concept, HOW we express it is our own special gift and nobody can take that away.

Even as a collective ALL, we are still individuals with special gifts to offer others and just as importantly, with our own special ways of receiving what has resonance for us. Life is always subjective and what is expressed by one person may speak to someone else at a deep level in a way that no other expression of the same “concept” could. We’re ALL needed to support and empower the greatest whole by using the gifts we’ve been given. A gift is a terrible thing to waste…

I stand by my belief that every single person has a purpose for coming into this life and innate gifts they bring here to share. It’s just a matter of getting through the layers of life lessons to reach our truths but then that’s part of the process as well. Out of great discomfort come some of our biggest growth spurts and blessings. They show us what we’re capable of and bring us closer to our authenticity we came in here with.

Many of us have probably heard the words “everything is connected”. It’s almost become a mantra these last few years. There’s a reason for that, along with ALL the other commonalities I’ve previously mentioned here that have turned out to be not so original in concept. I now understand that it’s no overstatement to say that EVERY SINGLE THING IS CONNECTED… EVERY THOUGHT… EVERY ACTION.

As the often stubborn, open-minded skeptic I’ve always been, it took me a while to actually recognize & experience this over and over again before I fully realized the profundity of it. We all have the ability in our own ways to be healers or whatever else we so choose but as is the case with many things, it’s also requires discipline and its effectiveness is directly related to the amount of time and effort one is willing to put into honing it and building muscle, regardless of what type (and yes… there is such a thing as “energetic” muscle!). Oh… and the client’s ability to at least be open to possibility.

As an integral part of that process, I’ve had to become very conscious of not only my words and actions, but also my THOUGHTS. It’s amazing the habit we humans get ourselves into with that… telling ourselves we’re not smart enough… quick enough… talented enough… pretty or handsome enough… thin enough… perfect enough (even though it’s not even possible!). ENOUGH!! The list is endless and we usually say things to ourselves we would never say to anyone else. Why should we believe we’re worth less than anyone else? Sacrificing ourselves instead of honoring who we are and what we each have to give is a tragedy…not a strength!  Talk about setting ourselves up for failure! … and GOOD NEWS! It’s never too late to change what isn’t working for us. You really CAN teach an old dog new tricks… if they’re willing to learn.

When I finally got to the point where I could honestly shift my thinking in this way and mean it, the reactions I received from others were truly palatable! I didn’t have to say or do ANYTHING. People simply and naturally reacted to me with the respect, kindness and compassion I was finally able to accept & feel for myself. Who knew?! It’s continued to be one of the most profound lessons I’ve learned in a life of continual “riding lessons”… Who says there no such thing as magic? It’s just that it doesn’t have to look like the old way of seeing it.

I’ve learned that not giving my own personal power away also goes hand-in-hand with this whole process. Being able to begin to love and respect myself was only half of it. The other 50% involves also not giving anyone else power “over” to make me feel “less than”. The reality of every situation we face is the fact we can’t control other people, their thoughts, judgments, etc. That’s what Free Will is about. I deeply believe everyone has this divine gift by virtue of a much higher design and we have no right to mess with anyone else’s ability to exercise theirs. We DO however, have the capacity to change how WE react to things. Even a prisoner has their own thoughts so at some level we are our own jail-keepers.

So we have a choice each time someone decides to visit their judgments and opinions on us. We can choose to realize what others think is THEIR choice and really none of our business anyway or we can be held hostage by it. I don’t know about anyone else but anything like the words “hostage”, “prisoner”, “limitations”, etc. tend to irritate but empower me. It also scares me a lot more than continuing to work on myself ever has!

Besides… I’ve yet to meet a judgmental person who wasn’t carrying around their own issue of self-worth. Why else would they even care? Happy, confident people don’t look for fault in others so why not just wish them well and move on beyond the issue? To each his own.

By not giving our own power away to those things outside of ourselves, we hold up a higher vision through our example, of others for them to see. People are naturally drawn to the kind of confidence that comes from being comfortable, kind and loving in one’s own skin and repelled by the surface type which runs on ego and self-centeredness. Take a moment the next time you’re in doubt and feel the difference. It’s about being AWARE of others AND ourselves.  THAT’S REAL POWER AND TRUE FREEDOM! Be careful though… it can be addictive…

Part 2 of 3 The Reality of Mental Health… My Story

Sharing My Own Story on Mental Health… Walking My Talk

I believe the biggest thing any of us will ever have to conquer in this life is ourselves…

I’m not without my own, personal story here either. I can’t say I really “enjoy” sharing these gritty details of my personal life on a public venue like this but I’m willing to do it because I believe in walking my talk and if it helps even one person in some way… then it’s worth it. It’s not about shame and it shouldn’t be.

It wasn’t one of the more illustrious times in my life so it’s nice to have it count for as much of a positive experience in hind-sight as possible! In 1990, I began to experience some sudden bouts of depression… 2-3 days each month.  It was cyclical… like someone flipped a switch. I’d go from feeling just fine to an almost immediate, debilitating low which would leave me barely able to function until it just as suddenly flipped back to “normal” again. As a young mother with 2 small daughters to care for and living in Denver for only a couple of months by then, those times became an increasing struggle to meet the demands of my life.

The underlying issues behind it all had actually begun much earlier however. My own mother suffered greatly with severe, debilitating depression which grew chronically worse over the years. At the time very little research had been done on mental health of ANY type and but greater public awareness had begun to slowly sprout up and serotonin-based drugs began to trickle forward which could be effective in treating depression like this. Unfortunately however, for whatever reason she became violently ill each time she attempted to try any of them.

Despite continual efforts to find a solution, I watched her gradually begin a long, slow, emotionally painful, downward spiral as the wonderful, happy, involved, sociable mother I loved and had depended on in so many ways became a sad, lonely, beat-down prisoner of her bed, body and life for up to 18+ hrs. a day. She has lost hope and in its absence I watched her slowly wait to die… one sad, tired inch at a time.

So many times I’ve wished I had known then what I have since learned (what’s new eh?) in my studies in the science of energy and the healing arts. ALL of our etherics…physical, emotional, mental and spiritual… layer the energetic fields of our bodies in auric layers. They’re ALL intrinsically and collectively connected so when one is out of balance and not functioning in a healthy way, it affects all four. My poor Mom had many reasons at each of these levels beginning in her childhood and moving on into her marriage and beyond, to have “dis”ease in her life as so many of us do.

She truly did the best with what she knew at the time but the real tragedy was she was never able to discover her own truth of the gift she truly was and came here to be so she could begin to change and heal what wasn’t working for her. True to the power of the mind to manifest emotions on a physical level, she was finally diagnosed with cancer which I never doubted she unconsciously created as her way to escape her situation which had become her constant companion and jail-keeper.

 Not everyone is wired to necessarily be suicidal in the traditional sense and people’s emotional pain can’t always be measured this way. Many people still invest in insidiously killing themselves an inch at a time by ignoring their health, refusing to work on changing bad habits, self-hatred, etc. Choosing not to pursue any type of treatment that would prolong her life, she invoked a lot of pleading from my other family members. I was the only one who truly understood that without any quality, her life had no value to her. I literally felt and understood her pain.

My awareness of her suffering and that of many of her extended family members certainly came to mind for me when my own bout of depression began to rear its ugly head about 20 years ago. Gradually the single, monthly episodes stretched to a length of 10+, consecutive days in which I could have easily become comatose enough to sit and stare at a wall 24 hrs. a day. It was a dark, soul-level fatigue that robbed me of any interest or joy in anything. Compounding these symptoms, was the fact I was also suffering from a very serious eating disorder… bulimia… which I had amazingly been able to hide from any other human being for a very long time.  Addiction can really hone one’s ability to deceive others AND ourselves… After all, practice does make perfect!

I never dreamed I was catapulting myself onto such a life-changing, chronic and dangerous path when I went out one evening with a couple of my 20-something girlfriends for a night of pizza, beer and partying. As the night wore on, we began to complain that we were all feeling miserably stuffed and uncomfortable due to our apparent over-consumption of pretty much everything.

Someone came up with the naive suggestion that we should all just go through the obviously unappealing solution of purging this one time… lesson learned… then we’d simply promise ourselves not to make the same mistake in the future. Sounded gross but easy enough and weighing out what I perceived as the odds, I reluctantly agreed to the plan.

I’d often wondered if it was really possible for someone to try a drug “one” time or consume alcohol like any other kid in their partying years who had a family history of drug addiction or alcoholism and really become addicted. From that day forward and for the next 15 looonng years, I came to understand the truth of pre-disposed brain chemistry all too well. Some people just have addictive personalities in general. Whether there was a genetic component for me, I can’t say for sure but I now know that addictions in a family don’t have to be identical for a predisposition to be there. The imbalance of chemicals that any addiction creates is all located in the same area of the brain, giving someone the opportunity to shake it up and pick one all their own. An addiction is an addiction. The brain’s capacity to be creative here is nothing short of amazing.

As anyone who has survived an eating disorder knows, it’s really not about the weight but rather the control, even though it may be hard to discern that when you’re in the throes of the behavior. Sometimes it felt like the only thing I could control in a life-long battle for the freedom to be who I was and I began to finally spin out of control. I think I started fighting for my freedom the day I busted out of my mother’s womb… seriously!

As with most of us, I‘ve had my fair share of bad experiences (I call them “lessons”…), beginning in childhood. For me, emotional and sexual abuse had very  big impact and I saw first-hand just what the human brain is capable of doing to protect us during those times… the “numbing out” for the sake of our psyche’s survival. It’s facinating really… Although we only use an astoundingly small portion of our entire brain’s capacity, it’s still capable of a great deal when it comes to our protection in the moments of severe trauma or abuse.

The problem arises when the energetic of that experience locks into our etherics. It’s usually there to stay unless or until we’re able to recognize it and find a healthy way remove it. Otherwise it simply snowballs until it becomes too big to hold inside anymore and often leaves a trail of broken dreams and enough pain in its wake to make sure nobody’s left out. Emotions that we try to shove down will always eventually come out one way or the other, holding us prisoners of our reactions and dysfunction unless or until we muster up the courage to go back, look at it and FEEL it.

I found this out the hard way… The list of possible choices seems almost endless… food, drugs, alcohol, spending, exercise, sex, work, gambling, video games, cutting… too much of ANYTHING… even chocolate! (tragic I know…)… whatever lights our brains up like a pinball machine and leaves us wanting more to fill the hole in ourselves that houses so much pain. That’s why creating balance in our lives is so important.

Although cutting wasn’t common during that time, I’ve definitely been able to understand the “pay-off” someone gets from the act of it, albeit an unhealthy and destructive one. There’s a systematic build-up of grief, anxiety & self-hatred. When it becomes too much to bear, the act of the addiction offers a release and a momentary “fix” until the whole, destructive process repeats itself once again in an endless cycle as our brain tries to make us feel better or should I say numb.

 It’s NOT about being a weak failure or just not trying hard enough to stop this hellish cycle. It IS about understanding the capacity of these amazing organs to protect us at all costs but in a dysfunctional way until we address the EMOTIONAL PAIN we’re mentally reacting to. We can’t change what we can’t fully recognize. Being able to have the courage to not only look at these feelings but to understand where they originated is often messy and painful but when we can begin to feel them, there’s NO better way to outsmart our brain when it’s sabotaging us! Sometimes that requires cognitive therapy to get to the root of it with a talented, qualified therapist but there are also many other possibilities that aid in that as well.

Literally not one day went by that I didn’t swear to myself it would be the last time I binged and purged and each day I failed to keep that promise which I naturally equated to the reasons I just mentioned… having “no willpower”. It was the first thing I thought about each morning I awoke and the last thing I thought about each night as I fell asleep. Meanwhile my self-loathing continued to grow deeper and deeper. The ONLY things I discovered I cared about enough to stop temporarily at least, were my daughters… my two beautiful babies. The bond a mother has with her children can be a very powerful one.

From the day I discovered I was pregnant with each of them until the day after I quit breast-feeding each of them, I never binged or purged…not once… and it was because of my love for them that I finally made the decision to get help. I knew they deserved a healthy mother and example, not one who had to view her life from a toilet bowl. Talk about symbolism… Sometimes it takes our love and value for someone else to help us actually see we’re more than worthy of those same things too!

Having to move away from any family and friends yet again… and battling such a pervasive and long-term addiction fed right into my building depression, like gasoline on an open flame. Just before the move (our 2^nd one in 3 years out-of-state), I also experienced several very severe panic attacks, rolling over me like a tank over a mud-hole. Not knowing much about them during the time I was actively having each one, I was convinced I was actually having a heart attack, probably as the result of the extreme abuse I had put my body through. It was a type of fear like I have never experienced since and I truly felt like I was losing my mind each time. Following right up close and personal was the lingering fear of having another one which only made them worse.

To top it all off, I also broke out in some serious hives all across my face, hand and feet. My “emotional pain” I’d pushed down for so long was literally oozing out of my body like an infection. With my eyes swollen shut, no visible bridge to my nose and swollen mouth that looked like I’d been sucker-punched, I quickly became as unrecognizable on the outside as I had come to feel on the inside for such a very long time. I knew my body and psyche had finally rebelled BIG-TIME against all the disrespect I’d shown them in an effort to wake me up to the reality and direction of my life.

This was my wake-up call. Considering my innate curiosity, if I hadn’t been in the middle of suffering through this entire experience myself, I would have been utterly fascinated with the complexity of the human brain & psyche to deal with things like this. I didn’t have a lot of individual issues here… I had one BIG issue. I needed to start FEELING to literally save my life! I had no problem feeling for others but I literally couldn’t feel anything for myself… jump flat nothingness. I actually came to see this whole situation as the blessing it was in pushing me out of my independent, self-induced isolation and into finally asking for the necessary help I desperately needed. I also began to understand what I came to know more deeply through my training in the healing profession… NO FEELING… NO HEALING.

Going to that first appointment with a therapist was extremely difficult. I was beyond tired… at a soul level… and desperate to get healthy on ALL levels and be free of this rabid monkey on my back. Hiding and feeding it had definitely taken its toll. When I finally got the courage up to tell my husband, family and close friends, I was truly surprised the majority of them reacted with  guilt or hurt that they may have done something to cause it or make it worse or that I hadn’t trusted them enough to tell them before. To an addict, shame is much more powerful than trust. I was just trying to survive at some level. The freedom that comes from bringing something out-of-the-closet is even more amazing than the amount of energy it takes to hide it.

 Although we may care deeply, sometimes it’s hard to see a situation through someone else’s eyes if we haven’t experienced it personally. That’s been another “silver-lining” for me in being able to effective as a healer in working with others who were suffering in much the same way. Hindsight is a great teacher even though the learning curve definitely sucks! Luckily, my therapist convinced me to begin attending a support group of other women with bulimia and finally succeeded in getting me to agree to try taking an anti-depressant which I fought hard to avoid early on.

When I finally had enough trust built up to let go and embrace the process, miracles literally began to happen for me. To my relief, the anti-depressant didn’t give me any strange sensations or loss of control as I had initially feared. What it did do was actually replace the serotonin my brain was under-producing and the effect was I felt perfectly normal… just simply and beautifully normal! My energy and sleep patterns leveled out. Once the fog of the depression was eradicated, I was able to much more fully address the CAUSE of my eating disorder and panic attacks. Instead of holding it all in, I began to talk… and talk… and talk. Some might even say I haven’t shut up since… J Just sayin…

Because of the encouragement, validation and support of my individual therapist as well as a very intuitive and gifted group therapist and an amazing group of women also battling bulimia, I was able to speak for the first time about the sources of all my pain. Our mutual courage and willingness to share (and in some cases, even remember) our stories with each other underscored for me the importance of asking for help when we need it. It’s about courage NOT weakness as I once believed. So much for belief systems… They often only serve to hold us prisoners!

An amazing thing began to happen… the more I expressed myself and my pain, the less I felt the “urge to purge”! I was purging in another way… namely my feelings through speaking my truth instead of with all that garbage through my body! I was truly stunned when within a couple of months of therapy; I no longer had any desire to act out in this way!

Unfortunately, it became necessary to once again, reluctantly say my good-byes (I hate them to this day…) and move after less than a year and I knew in my recovery process, I was like a toddler who had barely learned how to walk unassisted. I decided to meditate and ask the Universe for support. At the final meeting I attended with everyone, the therapist began the group as she always did with a short meditation and as I closed my eyes, everything immediately disappeared and I had an extremely profound and beautiful vision. As I know it was meant to, it left me with a very deep sense of gratitude and peace that I would be OK and it was quite a few years before I could even speak about it without crying.

Learning how to love myself was a process which took a LOT longer. It often takes a lifetime to learn to fully hate oneself so it only stands to reason that learning to first and foremost, even recognize the concept and value of Self-Love takes some real, focused effort as well. That’s the necessary step I had to take before actually being able to re-train myself to actively embrace it. We have to eat those elephants a spoonful at a time after all after all…

I’m here as living proof that it’s possible though. The only requirements are the desire to be happy and whole, to gather as much courage as you can muster up…. oh yeah… and someone to speak your truth to. I never thought I would have the freedom and gift of being able to cry when I needed to and laugh when I genuinely felt deep, peace and joy… not just for others but for myself!

(Stay tuned for my Part 3 of 3 Post on Mental Health…)

Part 1of 3…The Reality of Mental Health From Outside the Closet

Part 1 of 3      The Reality of Mental Health From Outside the Closet

I’ve often imagined standing in front of a large group of anonymous people and asking for an honest show of raised hands by anyone who has dealt with a mental health issue personally or with a close friend or family member… ADD, ADHD, Asbergers, autism, bi-polar, schizophrenia, depression, anxiety from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD), panic attacks, obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD), Tourettes syndrome, eating disorders, addictions and more.  There’s no shortage of choices and it seems to be growing steadily. It makes you think, doesn’t it?

2008 was the last time a nationwide survey was conducted by The National Alliance for Mental Health (NAMI) to determine the most recent statistics and a lot has happened in the world since then. The overall population who had been diagnosed at that time with some form of mental health issue was 55%. Judging from everything I’ve read and seen since then and considering the undoubtedly plentiful, “undiagnosed” cases out there, I firmly believe that number to be MUCH higher. You’ve probably heard the old saying… “Denial” is not a river in Egypt!” They all sound like neat, little packages all wrapped up in black and white diagnosis’s… each threatening to label and dis-empower those on the receiving end.

Mental illnesses are clinically defined as biological brain disorders which interfere with normal brain chemistry. They can be triggered by factors which are genetic, environmental (i.e. extreme stress) or both. I’ve come to believe also, not every “abnormal” or out-of-the ordinary instance of brain function is necessarily a mark of “illness”. Sometimes it’s just “different” like many other things in this life. I’ve included some food for thought throughout this article that I personally feel supports this.

Although I think there’s always a place for idealism, I tend to lean much more towards being a “realist”. It seems to save a lot of time and anguish in the long run… We all know our human bodies are not infallible. They’re made to last for only a certain amount of subjective time and then they functionally come to some sort of an end and we’re due for a replacement if you happen to believe that way. If you do, you might also agree it can be a real crap shoot out there on what it gets replaced with… so I try to take reasonable care of the one I’ve got so I can stretch the life it’s still got in it as long as possible!

Besides the propensity for our environment to cause physical problems, every one of us carries our own familial line of genetics complete with various” gifts” that can sometimes (or not) keep on giving…down through the generations like a mean-spirited version of the energizer bunny and I’m not talking about Grandma Ida’s waistline here!.

Not a single one of us is immune to the possibilities and yet it’s so much easier for someone to say they’ve got a malfunctioning kidney… a weak heart… severe digestive issues… than it is to say they’ve got a chemical imbalance in their brain. To make matters worse, many misinformed people think that if someone has the propensity for a particular brain issue, it must be true ALL of the time. Although there are most definitely unfortunate, severe cases as with anything, where this may be true, this makes no more sense as a generalization than saying ANYONE who has a migraine, a heart attack, a mal-functioning kidney… is in the throes of that ALL the time.

The truth is that the largest majority of people who experience some form of brain issue remain active and as functional as the rest of us much or most of the time. If that wasn’t the case, well over half the population would come to a standstill. Let’s be reasonable here. By grand design, our lives all have ebbs and flows… some days are better than others and anyone who disagrees with that must be smoking something of high strangeness! There’s more than a fine line between attitude and denial… just sayin…

Mental health looks like many, many shades of gray most of which often overlap. The frontal and temporal lobes of the brain are responsible for a sizable number things. These areas which don’t even fully develop until we reach our mid to late twenties, control our decision-making processes and allow us to base those on consequential information instead of simply reacting impulsively. It’s also the area which controls much of our anxiety and chemistry-related issues such as bi-polar, schizophrenia, focus, creativity and other states of brain functions.

Surprisingly, brain research is still a relatively new science due to the facts A) the money for research in the sciences has traditionally gone to those things which are immediate, identifiably life-threatening such as cancer, AIDS and B) which present the biggest risk to the bottom line in dollars and cents. It’s mind-boggling to think about ALL the people throughout history who’ve suffered with brain issues before anyone finally deemed it important enough to begin looking into! And this is supposed to be such an age of technology…

The drug companies also have a powerful hand in determining what will put more money in their pockets as well. It’s easy to find evidence of this from their efforts to stop the insurance industry from covering numerous effective, natural remedies as well as many preventative and alternative solutions in healthcare in general. It would cost us all far less monetarily and on every other level but large institutions such as these companies have great power to keep things profitable for themselves and it has very little to do with anyone else’s best interest… GREED at its finest…

Often we hear of someone battling severe mental illness that refuses to take their prescribed medication.  A great deal of judgment often surrounds someone who is suffering from a chemical imbalance. It’s very easy to judge if we don’t educate ourselves and develop a better understanding of the very real and often extremely difficult side-effects virtually all of the available medications out there can have. Things are never as simple as they might appear to be.

What many don’t realize is there are many reasons for this, none of which is easily remedied. Many of the drugs used in the treatment of severe illness have severe side-effects to go along with them such as weight gain, a flatness of personality and inability to feel much emotion, very low energy level, amnesia, vomiting, severe acne and more. There’s also the problem created by the very fact the mentally ill person’s perspective is skewed by virtue of their brain malfunction and they don’t see themselves as being ill. And also worth mentioning is that some more severe sufferers don’t care to stay very sane and aware of the unhappy and difficult circumstances this has created in their lives.

Despite the above, it’s necessary to take the right medication when it’s needed, at the right level to find the necessary balance in brain chemistry needed to function well or even at all. To compound the issue, for someone who is still in their teen years or even younger and  still growing and developing, you can imagine how difficult it is to balance a small but powerful amount of these types of drugs during such routine fluctuations in their brain chemistry and growth levels. That’s a process as well. It’s important to understand the difference in being “undermined” with a mental health issue and being “overtaken”.

EMPATHY IS THE DOORWAY TO UNDERSTANDING…

Judgment creates nothing but stigma, isolation, misinformation and demoralizing, emotional pain. Pity creates helplessness. BUT WHAT IF… we actually gave those who struggle with mental health issues, not to mention any other type of hardship, a good dose of kindness, compassion and support instead?? Doesn’t every single one of us know through personal experience just what it feels like to be unfairly judged by someone else for anything? …and yet… we still do it! Right alongside their suffering is most often concerned family members, whose lives have been often drastically altered as they’ve had to find their loved one help while trying to stay afloat themselves. It’s painful for everyone involved. A little kindness and compassion go a long way.

 I’ve spoken with many, many people who feel a lot of anxiety over the possibility they might “inherit” a genetic pre-disposition to a mental health issue which some of their other family members may have experienced or which they have already gone through themselves and worry about re-occurring. I’ve also learned some profound lessons about the power of FEAR and its ability to open us up to a LOT of things. Our thought processes can become self-fulfilling prophesies and that’s why I work hard to expend energy on the things I can change such as generating positive thoughts instead of the negative “why me”, victimizing type. As long as you’re thinking, you might as well “think wisely” I say! The life you save may be your own… I honestly couldn’t be more serious about that either!

Anxiety in extreme amounts (sudden or prolonged) can cause genetic pre-dispositions to mental health issues to manifest when they normally may not have. I’ve also seen symptoms very noticeably decrease or sometimes disappear when someone actively looked for ways to relax through regular yoga, exercise, meditation, spending time in nature or with animals, changes their diet, spiritual connection, etc…., basically being our own best friends and remembering to support ourselves along with everyone else.

These things actually apply to anyone who desires more health, peace and centeredness in their lives. Most of us are already aware stress can cause ulcers, heart attacks and adrenal burn-out just to name a few, so it’s really not much of a stretch to believe it can also cause mental health issues to surface as well. Whether we suffer with them ourselves or deal with them through someone close to us, the effects can be very harmful and pervasive. There has been a very real need for a very long time to bring the realities of mental health in our society out of the closet. As I’ve said before… issues which others feel the need to hide only become cloaked in shame and very often misperception, misinterpretation and judgment.

Truth… on the other hand, brings freedom, empathy, understanding and compassion. It allows all those who are involved in speaking and receiving it the opportunity and gift to see a situation through another person’s eyes. We often tend to fear what we don’t understand so knowledge allows each of us the power to step out of that and into a deeper understanding and appreciation for ALL which a given situation has to offer.

Mental Health and all it encompasses needs to be brought out of the closet of shame and secrecy. It’s a sad reality that society as a whole is still in fundamental denial on every level. Our police departments, our school systems, our medical professionals, ALL of us need to be educated on how to best deal with those who present issues related to mental health. I’ve seen an alarming lack of compassion and emotional understanding on the part of more than one psychiatrist who was responsible for interacting with troubled young patients who needed the medications!

And what about those children who come to school each day from homes where a parent or someone else in their family is suffering from a severe mental illness? How do they learn and grow under the weight of that kind of stigma, secrecy and instability without the support they need from their teachers and others? I’ve been a heart-broken witness to the tragedy of it many times throughout the years.

We also need to brace ourselves as our troops come back home in greater numbers than ever for the “next war” here on our own soil that we will all be facing as more and more cases of PTSD and all that goes with it manifest before us in joblessness, homelessness, violence, medical costs, suicide, etc. The stigma put upon the soldiers for even asking for help has gone on for eons and although strides are being made to FINALLY address this very uneducated, destructive way of thinking and offer real help and support, it still has a long way to go. Hopefully, many of us have since learned that REAL COURAGE requires honesty and not the false, “tough” front many of us were taught to embrace, no matter how well-intentioned and misguided our parents were.

How can we possibly expect to break down a human being’s psyche to the point of getting them to kill other humans at will and then be as naive or uncaring as to expect them to return home ready to meld right back into society as if nothing happened!?!? It’s astounding really… NO ONE is disposable when we’re in touch with our humanity. THAT way of thinking on the part of the military officials and others responsible for that type of repression should be considered a true manifestation of mental illness if ever there was one! Sometimes it’s the perpetuator who really needs the help as well. It takes a LOT more courage to ask for help. We need to give men in our society permission to feel and give them back their humanity. NO FEELING… NO HEALING.

The general public needs to be much more informed as well (students, friends, co-workers, family members, etc.) as part of the community we all live and interact in. Systematic discrimination regarding mental health still exists on a wide-spread level and does great harm in undermining the efforts to get help for those who are ill and those who are trying to get them help them when it’s needed and champion their recovery. It’s hard enough…

Discrimination, regardless of whether it’s against race, religion, sexual orientation, gender, a disability or anything else is destructive at all levels. We would never stand idly by and allow others to make fun of or trivialize someone with cancer or heart disease yet society does exactly that to those who suffer from mental health issues. Unless we can walk in anyone else’s shoes, how can we have any idea about their reality?

Casual jokes and insulting depictions in the media are all part of the same problem and whether a person is conscious of its effect or not, it still does harm by continuing to encourage an archaic way of uncompassionate thinking and judgmental attitudes. “What a retard!”… “You’re so shitzo!”… “You’re so mental!”… Statements like these hurt and undermine the need we have to get real and honest with ourselves.

To really affect a change in society, it require us to be aware of what we say, think and do because it’s so very easy to naively continue to do what we’ve always done at an often unconscious level otherwise. It’s not nit-picking as some would accuse… it’s simply about putting yourself in someone else’s shoes when it causes others pain and perpetuates ignorance. And it hurts more people on whom it lands than many realize. They simply continue to suffer in shame and silence.

What a world this would be if everyone had to personally experience everything they said or did to someone else. Many people I’ve spoken with and read about who have had a near-death-experience have reported exactly that. Whether you believe it or not, it’s an interesting concept isn’t it? Oh yeah… and some people call it “karma”… WHAT IF?

(Stay tuned for Part 2 of 3  My Own Story)…

Finding Grace In the World We Want to Live In….

Sometimes the best avenue for really understanding the value of something is to view it from the polar-opposite perspective first. “Dis-grace”…. chances are this word brings up some emotions for each of us about times we felt shame & embarrassment over not measuring up to someone else’s ideals. Although our responsibility to be self-policing is very important, I’ve experienced so many instances throughout my life where people took on an immense amount of shame that was never theirs to own…often through entire cultural histories. In their eyes, their shame became who they were. It defined them individually, their choices throughout their lives and their ability to see themselves as having any value. Each time I’ve witnessed this dynamic, it’s broken my heart. They couldn’t seem to see in themselves what I and others were able to see in them.

The good news is that at the end of each & every day, we’re our own jail-keepers… thus we can choose what we want for ourselves. Divine Free Will at its best! That gives each of us the very real opportunity to stand in our own Personal Power & re-define ourselves. As tempting as it may be to place blame for our decisions on someone else, circumstances, etc., we do ourselves a grave injustice by not recognizing & acknowledging our very real capabilities which would allow us the very palatable freedom that comes from owning our own “stuff” & allowing others to also own their part. Unfortunately but also I believe, by design… we have no dominion over instituting that for anyone except ourselves.

Here a pragmatic point of view comes in handy because it stands to reason we can’t change another person so “letting it go” & trusting in something bigger than ourselves makes a whole lot more sense. I’m fond of saying… “Why expend energy on something you can’t change?” What is possible & wise is often not easiest choice upfront but from my own experience; it’s most definitely worth it in the end!

If we elude ourselves into being convinced it must be someone else’s fault we can’t get what we want, it pays to step back & think about what we just may be hanging onto that’s serving us for unhealthy reasons… to keep from having to step up & face ourselves… to feel cared for or valued in some way we can’t seem to find within ourselve. We feel we’ll never do or get anything better… etc…  The list goes on and on and each “reason” in reality, is simply one more excuse. The biggest thing we conquer in our life is ourself after all.

At the risk of dating myself… I watched African-American adults in the South where I grew up for 10 years during the growing racial divide of the 60’s & 70’s…  stand in shame… heads down & eyes unable to look at me directly… a 20-year old, Caucasian, blue-eyed, blond working with their children at an elementary school. I also felt the sting and insult of being treated by the staff there as not worthy of acknowledgement & worse until I was eventually able to realize for myself ( & after more than a few tears), it was just their shame manifested in another form. I held a mirror of soets up for them and they didn’t like what they saw.

Years down the road, I met wonderful, loving Africans in Jamaica who carry great shame from their own days of slavery into their culture in so many often insidious ways. Their people were only emancipated in the 1960s and in a more passive-aggressive effort to speak to their pain & anger over losing their freedom; they ceased to create art during their enslavement. The poverty in which they live leaves them feeling very much “less-than” the elite but very small upper-class there & the tourists who come to vacation, inadvertently keeping their economy alive. They fear being judged & defined by it.

The energy work I’ve been involved with on several Native-American reservations & within various tribal communities over the years provides yet another example of a great & gifted people who are so lost in pain & a certain hopelessness fed the issues that continue to plague their people…alcohol, drugs, physical abuse, etc. They still carry forward great wisdom and intuitive insight from their early ancestors but they’re unable to see a higher vision of themselves through the thick cloak of shame they carry. It’s not for lack of a desire on their part to change things but more a lack of ability to shift their perspectives & see their situation through new eyes with new possibilites..

Emotional & physical abuse especially in childhood, is also routinely accompanied by self-blame & shame & often tragically keeps the victim in a state of powerlessness long after the fact. If we don’t feel we matter and can’t see ourselves authentically, we operate in our lives from a pre-conceived & very unfortunate idea that we deserve no better than what we were shown. Such a waste of beautiful, unrealized human potential with an expansiveness limited only by a belief-system void of real truth. Just imagine some of the amazing ideas & experiences mankind has missed because someone was never able to see the true possibilities they actually had the power to bring to fruition all along the way. Another piece of good news… It’s NEVER too late to start!

Enslavement of any kind robs humanity of its Self-Love & Higher Vision of itself & breaks the Spirit at a soul level, whether it’s done TO us or BY us. It usually rolls down the energetic line through many generations as parents and other family members pass this on to the children. As a healer who has dedicated my life to supporting others in recognizing, healing & reaching for their personal vision of themselves, I’ve actively worked with many clients over the years to empower them to recognize and remove this kind of destructive dynamic. It’s proven to be a powerful & gratifying process for everyone.

As Maya Angelou so simply & wisely put it… “When we know better…we do better.” Sometimes it takes some assistance from others who can hold up that vision for someone to rise to of who they truly are… who they came here to be… underneath the layers of painful “lessons” we all tend to collect in our lives like souvineers we’d rather “re-gift”. Humanity needs to continue to make that shift from judgment to compassion & support of each other in order to repair itself &  embrace its potential &to  heal our beautiful, sentient planet. We are all “walking-wounded” in some way & this membership knows no color, race, profession, socio-economic background, etc. Don’t be fooled by appearances.

Because our thoughts so very much create our realities, learning to live in “GRACE” is profoundly important. An noun AND a verb, Grace is not perfection but rather the ability to see the Higher…Bigger Picture of things so we can gain a perspective of what’s really important.

Having real Grace requires letting go of;

-hurtful actions by others

-being a victim of circumstance (we can choose to be the bug or the windshield!)

-being “manipulated” into “reacting” from old wounds we carry

-being defined by what we “have” on a material or physical level

-any inability to embrace compassion, protection & empathy for ALL living things which first & foremost includes OURSELVES

-feeling threatened & being confident enough in our own abilities to be able to adopt a collective vision of ourselves as all parts a whole with plenty of prosperity for all without feeling threatened

-fear about speaking our truths powerfully from a position of compassion & non-judgment

-being able to see every situation through the other person’s perspective (even if we disagree) as well as our own…

… and by learning to walk our talk & willinlyg  be of service to the whole as part of a solution.

The measure of our compassion is also the measure of our humanity, individually & collectively…

If you ever need an example of real Grace, just spend a little time in our natural world. Every living thing there exists within the moment with no anger, greed or ego. Only what is needed to sustain life is taken. There is great profoundness in this simplicity that has absolutely nothing to do with assumed, varying degrees of intellect as defined by some. Wisdom & intellect are very different things which come from two different sources & serve different purposes. Wisdom is ancient truth gathered individually with the assistance of Divine Timing. It can’t be read, willed into existence or achieved through mental/ intellectual processes. It must be earned, lived & felt at the spirit level. It’s here… from this position …  that we each have the opportunity to re-evaluate & re-direct ourselves.

Here’s to Grace, Insight & Prosperity on ALL levels as we go through the rest of the holiday season upon us and forward into a New Year and growing perspective of what is possible.

Namaste’

A Message for the World; Recognizing the gifts set before us….

By virtue of who we are at the core of ourselves & our purpose here, I believe fully we all have different gifts and experiences by a grand design much bigger than ourselves. I have always walked a shamanic path for many reasons on which I can only speculate. Although I am not a shaman here, I carry in my DNA the coding & perspective of the shamanic world in a very deep and resonating way & have had many experiences beyond our usual, 5 senses which fall into that way of living & being. For those like myself, there is a quick recognition of each other just as there is the inability for many who don’t carry this type of energy to understand it. It’s simply not their reality.

I met Rose De Dan, an animal shaman of Peruvian training, when I went to a workshop on tuning into horse energy she held a few months ago. I wrote about that amazing & profound experience in an earlier blog here called “Wisdom From the Herd.” During that experience of spending the day together, I knew I had crossed paths with a kindred spirit. This is why I’ve decided to share this beautiful & poignant message below which she posted recently on her website.

Over the years I’ve been actively working in energy & healing, I have witnessed & experienced many times the very real connection between humans & our natural world. There is SO much more out there than meets the eye and it holds a wisdom far greater than our thinking minds can even grasp. The time has come for us to be willing to look beyond our limited belief systems & grow to realize what a minute fraction they represent of what truly is. THAT is why I try to do most of my thinking from the neck down. …

I hope this resonates with you as well & maybe even gives you the courage & curiosity to seek wisdom for yourself in ways you may have not yet considered. Reality is only our own perceptions after all……

Windwalker’s Message for the World

Sunset Clouds Above Ocean, Hawaii ©2011 Rose De Dan

In 2010 a group of people gathered at Earthfire Institute Wildlife Sanctuary and Retreat Center for a unique event. Entitled A Walk on the Wild Side: Answering the Call of the Wild, it was where I first met resident cougar Windwalker as well as other Animal Ambassadors.

During that event all of the animals took us on a powerful journey of personal transformation, and I learned that Windwalker was a Master Teacher.

In the year following Windwalker and I connected from time to time. As the date for the 2011 A Walk on the Wild Side approached it was clear that Windwalker’s health was failing. With an effort of will, support from loved ones and from Spirit, Windwalker was there to greet us. Throughout the event he offered insight, guidance, and healing. All who attended were forever changed.

On November 5, 2011, one month after our event, Windwalker crossed into Spirit leaving us a legacy of inspiration. Jean Simpson writes movingly of their time together in The Last Few Hours with Our Friend.

But Windwalker was not gone — he had only shed his body. He contacted me from Spirit two days after his passing, and made it clear that he would be continuing his mission from the spirit world, and that I was to listen.

On November 22, I had an interview scheduled with Janet Roper on her radio show Talk2theAnimals. In a previous conversation I had told her about Windwalker and the amazing moments we had shared during the event, and she offered him air time for any message he wished to share.

The following is a transcript of the shamanic journey I took to meet and speak with Master Teacher Windwalker.

Windwalker: Message for the World

The journey began in a great meadow where all the animals were gathered. Windwalker sat in front, grooming.

I greeted him.

Windwalker turned and showed me a vast plain and only a few buffalo, encircled by a fence. On the other side of the fence a man was crying. Windwalker told me that because of the separation that we had created between man and wildlife both suffered. The bison had no freedom without and man had no freedom within.

I heard, “What has been sundered must be made whole again or all will die.”

I asked Windwalker what we must do to become whole again and he put a paw across my shoulders and together we looked out across the land. He said, “We must work together.” I looked at him and asked, “You and I?” He laughed, and with a rough lick to my face rumbled, “I meant people and animals, but yes, we still have work to do together you and I.”

“What must the people do?” I asked.

And he showed me a view inside a person, from heart to belly. Inside that person I saw a landscape where birds sang and plants grew. And as I watched, the tendrils grew, until they were outside the person and reached toward other people each with their own gardens.

“Each person must cultivate a garden within themselves,” he said, “and when they do we — the animals, birds, plants, fish – will reach back to them. Together we are strong. Together we can heal ourselves and this world.”

And he showed me each person tending their inner garden, healing themselves by removing weeds of anger, pain, loss; planting seeds of empathy and compassion in fertile soil nurtured with love and organic nutrients.

The scene changed, and all was dark around me. Windwalker was to my right and I realized that we were swimming deep in an ocean. He was searching for someone or something, leaving me alone and then returning. Out of the darkness a large eye appeared and as we surfaced I saw Windwalker riding the back of a great Whale.

Whale showed me the vast oceans and instead of seeing living animals I saw marine fossils from long ago. Then I saw great bleached bones on the shores of the land — Whale was showing me how long he had existed and the rise and fall of species he had seen, the mass extinctions. And he made it clear that we were facing another such time right now.

And then a great wind reached down and picked Windwalker and I up, spiraling into the clouds, and as I watched Windwalker riding the winds I realized how he got his name. He told me we were going to speak to the winds. I was not sure about this, what would I say?

Around us gathered storm clouds, gentle breezes and all the weather patterns in between.

Windwalker and I were in the center of this amazing gathering, and with speech that I felt rather than heard, the Wayras, wind people, communicated that weather patterns were changing. I was shown buffeting winds, and smoke rising everywhere which I took to be carbon dioxide and pollution. Then they showed me each person planting a tree, their suggestion to help bring things back into balance. They also showed me an image of many feet walking, and more closely knit and smaller communities within cities.

The Wayras told me that they did not want to treat the earth and the people roughly but that balance had been upset and without our help it could not be restored. They also mentioned ceremony, showing me offerings being made. It was suggested that we had forgotten gratitude for the natural elements, and that had made a difference also.

And then the Wayras showed me all of them holding hands, and those hands extended to the people and the animals, and they showed me the heavens and the hands extending from the stars toward us. “All is connected,” they said, “what affects one affects all, but it also means that you have our support. It is time to recall what has been forgotten.”

Tears were streaming down my face, and I hugged Windwalker, overcome with awe and gratitude for what I was being shown. I thanked him, the Wayras, the Stars, and Whale. And with my journey ended, I returned.

True Freedom … Learning to Conquer Ourselves

For whatever reason, I came into this world with a very strong sense of justice & an innate rebelliousness towards other’s judgments & opinions of whom or what I & others should be. I knew I had a birthright well beyond what anyone else thought, to think & be who I came here to be & I’ve carried with me a strong sense of purpose & a deep desire to share my life with those who can see & value me for who I am … not “despite” who I am. I’ve often felt lonely in a crowd even despite being surrounded by many people I love & enjoy.

Beginning at an early age, I felt different somehow from the perceived “norm”. For me, what society as a whole seemed to perceive as “normal” always felt much more idealistic and far less realistic to me & let me tell you … I really dislike that proverbial elephant in the middle of the room! Truth is vital to true freedom. I’ve had my share of speaking mine & being shoved down and/ or kicked because of it but although painful at times, every bump was worth it to me. I guess the term sometimes used to describe me … “energetic terrier”… fits!

That being said, as the perfectly imperfect human I am, I‘ve had my own battles with getting caught up in the worry of meeting other’s expectations of me. It seems like our “passport” of sorts to being certifiably human or at least part of the recipe for the “human soup” we all become an ingredient in from time to time, despite our best efforts. My biggest challenge always seems to be how to be a spiritual being in a human form.

We’re our only jail keepers. We all have choices along the way & it’s these choices which create the realities we live in. We can choose to look at every single, tough situation we encounter in our lives as a negative, blame others & wonder … “Why me?”… “What next?!” … or see them as the opportunities for personal growth they truly are … as in … “I’m always grateful, if only for the “lesson” some days!” I’ve always been able to eventually recognize the silver-lining with time. I finally came to understand every single trial I’ve encountered has had a lesson attached to it even though it’s often taken some distance in hindsight to clearly be able to recognize, let alone appreciate each one.

I’ve learned as well for myself that the old sayings … “No pain… no gain” & “What doesn’t kill you, makes you stronger” are actually true although not in a self-sacrificial way … SO not my style! My biggest personal leaps have come as a result of the times that were the toughest… not the smoothest. Those experiences have shown me what I’m really made of & like most of us; there’s been no shortage of “opportunities”. The great news? Each one has been instrumental & necessary in allowing me to step into who I authentically am and my purpose in this life. They’re the gifts that keeps on giving … hard-earned but most definitely worth it in the Big Picture of things!

Some years ago in my shamanic studies, I was introduced to the term “being nothing” or “being hollow”. It has nothing to do with “ego-based” self-worth and everything to do with “Self-Love.” It’s about learning to love ourselves enough to be able to stand in that perspective & know that whatever judgment another person makes about me, at the end of the day it’s simply their opinion & nothing more. It’s so easy at times to give our power away to that and so self-sabotaging. I try hard to embrace each of these opportunities to see myself in the mirror others hold up for me so I can be more self-aware & then I do my best to let it go. In fact, it’s none of our business what someone else thinks about us. Their opinions belong to them. As with anything … the more I practice, the stronger & steadier I get … always a process and never an event!

There’s also a big difference in the perspective of an anger-based response verbally or in thought of “Screw you…. I don’t care what you think!” (with a one-finger salute included) & a much more centered response from a position of personal power such as “You have a right to your opinion but I’m not invested in it.” If I’m in anger, I know I still have some work to do on myself in that area. I try to see the situation from the other person’s point of view which often allows me to see the fear, anger or pain behind their judgments. Happy, joyful, confident people don’t look for fault in others. Compassion is key.

When I gained my freedom from the slavery of trying to meet somebody’s … anybody’s … expectations of me, I came full-circle and began to really understand at a deeper level, that we’re ALL here in this big, sometimes crazy family of mankind together… trying to navigate our lives as best we know how and get to where we somehow know we want to be and not a single one of us has all the answers. That’s one more thing we all have in common … plus the fact we all have an intrinsic need as humans-beings to know we matter & deserve to take up space here. Each of us contributes our own parts of the puzzle from our own personal lessons & like any puzzle … all the parts comprise the whole. It’s about the individual work to support the collective…. the “All”. We’re entitled to our own opinions but at the end of the day… that’s precisely what they are… simply individual opinions… no better or worse than anyone else’s.

So WHY do we have these tendencies to give our own personal power away to others? It doesn’t matter who we are… how much we earn … what we’ve done … at the end of each day, every single one of us has the ability to connect to something much bigger than ourselves and receive information just as viable & profound and we all come into this world and leave it with only the truth of who we really are. We’re here by choice and we all have special passions, gifts & reasons for being here. It’s a matter of conquering & discovering ourselves.

It’s also an inside job … We can’t control anything in our lives but ourselves. The remainder rests ultimately (& firmly) on each individual’s choices for themselves & they don’t all look the same. That’s where our free will comes in. Even prisoners can choose what they will think. Life is a wave & our attitudes will always be our surfboards. We’re also all part of the whole. Our power to shift things that don’t serve us well in this world lies in our courage to see ourselves in truth & to grow & expand within, until we’re able to reach a point where we’re collectively adding to & empowering the whole beyond ourselves in a higher way. I challenge you to study the physics of it. That’s where science & spirituality meet.

Wisdom from the Herd… Behaving As If All Life Mattered

This month I had the privilege of attending a 10-hr. workshop with 7 amazing
horse- teachers. I’ve always loved & appreciated animals but this
interaction with these amazing creatures was truly humbling. Although I spent a
fair amount of time around them in my youth, I no longer have easy access to
them so I was definitely excited for this new opportunity.

A couple of years ago for no obvious reason, horses began to cross my mind…continually.
I thought about them during the day, dreamed about them at night… This type
of thing has been happening to me for many years now and as I’ve studied the
physics of energy in more & more depth, I’ve learned to just stay very
aware & try to recognize the reason or message behind this phenomenon each
time it happens.

Before long, I began to see equine

photos… paintings… books… articles…etc… everywhere I went. I walked
into a bookstore one day and a rather large, beautifully illustrated book,
Spirit Horses, fell right at my feet…  When
the Universe speaks… I listen! Eventually, it came full circle and
I began to learn & understand the message… so simple & yet so truly
profound. Horses like all of nature, hold up mirrors for mankind
to see itself in.

Many misguided humans have considered the
animal kingdom to be less intelligent. They measure intelligence by what an
animal can do most like a human…count, draw, do tricks, verbally speak, paint,
use tools, etc. What they’ve missed is the WISDOM which goes far beyond any
of that, as well as the fact that we don’t have the right to expect everything
with worth to imitate us.

When a good friend of mine told me about this workshop, I knew it was part of
the trajectory of synchronistic events already in motion. The moment I stepped
out of my car and walked to the area where they were waiting, I knew which
horse I’d be working with. In fact, I felt like I was looking at myself in horse
form.

Sun was a young, (somewhat
“spirited”) gelding… a Tennessee walker… golden coat with a creamy-white
mane. He was sequestered outside the main corral for half the day along with
the rest of the rowdier boys and a couple of young mares, where they remained
the entire time…standing at the fence looking like a bunch of curious puppies
yearning to be where the “action” was. Occasionally, he’d give the side of the
barn or the gate a good kick just to remind us he was still awaiting his turn
albeit impatiently….gnawing at the bit so to speak. (Sorry… I couldn’t
resist!)

Throughout the day, as we interacted with these sensitive & intuitive
animals, we each learned our own lessons in our own ways. For me, it became
clear what I had shown up to be taught. It’s called GRACE… simple in its
presentation & yet so profound. I have developed grace in many ways
through learning and insight from my work… emotional… mental…
spiritual… but the physical has often eluded me for some reason.

It used to be common-place to glance
at my arms & legs and see a myriad of burns from grabbing something
carelessly from a hot oven or bumps & bruises from hitting the corner of a
table or the counter because I was in a rush and focused on something. It’s a
good thing I have a high tolerance for pain.

I’ve come to recognize this
inattentiveness in this area of my life for what it really is… a lack of
honoring my physical form that houses my spirit. It’s speaks disrespectfully to
the true gift it really is.

It also goes hand-in-hand with
getting quiet & gentle inside as well. When I don’t do that, I can’t
“hear” the wisdom the silence has to offer & a lot of information
is missed on many levels because it’s all connected..

A horse doesn’t walk without grace… it saunters. It doesn’t plow through
things… it steps over or around them. They always live in the moment. Nothing
exists to them before that moment or after it so they fully embrace it. They
“graze” and when they’re fed at the end of the day, they quietly,
slowly eat with each other…or alone and they take their time…. no gobbling in
this crowd! They’re have dimensional sight and always see the ALL as ONE.

They’re also very telepathic and sensitive to the emotions of their herd and
the other living things which share their space, including people. Three of the
females were allowed to wander around those of us who were participating as we
sat in a circle, expressing our individual reasons for attending, some with a
lot of emotion involved. Here and there, sensing the need, one would walk
quietly up to a participant & put her soft, velvety nose against their
cheek or on a shoulder for a few moments.

As we each took our turn grooming & working one-on-one with our assigned
horse, we were shown how to tune into the horse’s energy mentally and
physically. They wanted to be led but in partnership…
not “power over”. My usual pace when I hike or walk with friends
is fast & often out ahead of everyone. It’s been a habit for as long as I
can remember & I’ve never given it much thought.

Sun immediately and gently showed me
myself & how that affects the whole. He tuned-in & connected with me
immediately when I stayed present with him but the moment I stepped out ahead
of him, I could feel him disconnect and he would just wander off.

We held a very loose rope to begin
with which didn’t serve as much more than a small crutch for us but soon the
rope was removed and we were asked to work with the horse strictly through
mental images & energy…no touch except to gently say “good job”
& “thank you”.. . I initially felt pretty powerless until I was
able to slow down and really feel his energy. Once I could do that, I could
literally feel the two of us connect and become one. Interactions like this
between one person and another is also possible if we just slow down & stay
aware & tuned- in.

I was also told that horses don’t respond well to being stared at. As a healer,
I get a great deal of information & connection with people by looking into
their eyes & at their faces. This doesn’t work with horses. Standing beside
them, creating a clear, mental picture of what I wanted Sun to do was the ONLY
way to guide him.

So I stood there, looking forward with
him…side-by-side… & envisioned exactly where I wanted him to go with
me. He immediately stepped in unison with my feet. When I stopped… he
stopped. When I stepped sideways… he stepped sideways. He walked exactly
where I asked him to go using only the picture in my head. He gave me a couple
of pushes into the fence just to push his boundaries a little and it was at
that point I realized that along with kids, pets, students, etc., we also get
the horses we deserve!

So many people who spend a great deal of time with these amazing, beautiful
creatures, have commented that horses seem to be patiently standing by waiting
for us humans to “get it”! Ahhh… we humans… the ONLY
creatures living our sentient Earth who, in our ego, fear, greed & hatred,
destroy, pollute and otherwise mess with the natural balance & abundance of
the natural world of which we’re ALL a part. Then the natural world stands
by… often suffering because of our choices & patiently waits for us to
WAKE-UP. WHO are the intelligent ones really?

There is still a great deal of beauty in this world, despite the on-going
efforts of our media and the “powers-that-be” behind it all who work
to keep us in fear and complacency (if we weren’t afraid, we might just get
angry & courageous about a few things).

More & more people ARE waking up and
beginning to understand what all native peoples have known since the very
beginning… we MUST live in a symbiotic partnership with our Earth and each
other. It’s about survival and it’s
also about love, compassion & quality.
Every bit of it is connected & it starts with each one of us doing our
“inside” work on ourselves so it can spread to the
“outside” & each other.

____________________________________________________________________________________________________

Georgia Cammann

In Nature’s Wisdom

Healing Work

Shamanic – Tibetan – Reiki

Personal & Spiritual Guide

Women’s & Mixed Gender Circles -  Teen Talking Circles -  Public Speaking

Sacred Space Creation & Clearings

____________________________________________________________________________________________________

Reading & Healing Work
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